Moms might not talk about it often (or maybe not at all), but the pressure brought by social media and “well-meaning” people who always have something to say about the way they raise their children is tough on most moms. But even without these factors, mothers still feel that whatever they’re doing is not enough. That’s because mom guilt is often self-inflicted.
It starts by questioning yourself about the littlest things — you feel bad about not spending enough time with your kids, or you feel horrible because the house is a mess. You’re a bad parent because you’re too strict, but when you try to be lenient, you still end up being a bad parent. Anything will turn into a reason to feel guilty.
Sometimes letting go of that guilt means having space where one can freely express her thoughts without the fear of judgment. So we at SmartParenting.com.phhad this idea: Ask moms to share their thoughts on guilt with us. We called it #SPConfessions and unsurprisingly, moms responded with a lot of hugot when it comes to parenting.
When we shared the anonymous confessions on our Faceboook page, other moms also said they felt the same way. Many of them felt relieved and validated — they weren’t just ‘nag-iinarte,’ what they were feeling was real.
Here are some of the ‘confessions’ from our mom readers. We hope that through writing and venting their thoughts, they found solace and comfort in knowing that they are not alone.
Taking care of a newborn is exhausting, and it will result in sleepless nights that can lead to accidents. It doesn’t mean that you are unfit to be a parent. What’s important is that you take measures to ensure that it does not happen again. (If your baby does fall from the bed, read here for things you can do).
2. “I yelled at my child.”
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There will be moments when you lose control, and that makes you human. The good news is your child will forgive you without you even asking. The next step is to learn how to respond when you start feeling anger and frustration. (If you feel the urge to yell at your child, here are ways to keep calm.)
As parents, your top priority is your kids. But this does not mean that you should forget your relationship as husband and wife. As David Code, author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First, says, “adults who want the best for their children should spend less time trying to be the perfect parent and more time striving to be the perfect spouse.” (Here are ways to re-focus on your marriage.)
4. “I’m sick of all the advice.”
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Though it’s said with the best intention, unsolicited advice can be frustrating especially when it has a tinge of judgment. Parenting is hard enough as it is, so we can all use a little less negativity and more support. (Have a laugh! Here are some bad, weird, and awful parenting and baby advice moms have ever heard.)
Motherhood can take a toll on you physically and emotionally. That’s why we always emphasize the need for self-care. If we want to be able to take care of our family, then we should also pay attention to our well-being. (Click here for the ways you can show a little love to yourself.)
6. “I am at odds with my in-laws.”
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It’s true that you will not always get along with your in-laws and to live under one roof can put more strain on your relationship with them. But whether you like it or not, keeping your marriage strong would involve having better in-law relationships. After all, they have become your family, too. (Click here for ways to have a better rapport with your in-laws.)
7. “I want to be a stay-at-home mom, but my husband does not agree.
According to a recent study, women who voluntarily stayed at home and those who willingly worked outside the home had higher satisfaction levels and were the most psychologically healthy. So whether you want to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, the choice is yours to make. Do what makes you happy! (Click here and read up on moms who found fulfillment with both.)